Life of the Beloved

Henri Nouwen remains one of my favourite writers. I love his spiritual exploring, and the way in which he engages with those whom he encounters. In “Life of the Beloved” he explores something of how we can discover the spiritual life in our western culture. Nouwen places a high value on friendship. He sees the importance of our mattering to each other.

“The greatest gift my friendship can give to you is the gift of your Belovedness. I can give that gift only insofar as I have claimed it for myself. Isn’t that what friendship is all about: giving to each other the gift of our Belovedness?”

He suggests four words that can offer a challengingly helpful summary of how our relationships should be, four words that remind us of our celebrating the sacrament of Holy Communion.

“To identify the movements of the Spirit in our lives, I have found it helpful to use four words: taken, blessed, broken and given.”

He encourages us to look at our engaging with others in an inclusive way. We tend to be good at exclusion and at erecting barriers. However God’s way is different. We need rather to see the value of each other and rejoice in what each can contribute.

“To be chosen as the Beloved of God is something radically different. Instead of excluding others, it includes others. Instead of rejecting others as less valuable, it accepts others in their own uniqueness. It is not a competitive, but a compassionate choice.”

We need to be ready to receive, not just looking to give. Giving is important, but we miss much of value if we are not ready to accept. A relationship is a two-way enterprise. We also need to accept our imperfections, and recognise that they, along with our achievements, contribute to who we are.

“It has become extremely difficult for us to stop, listen, pay attention and receive gracefully what is offered to us.”

“Our brokenness is so visible and tangible, so concrete and specific, that it is often difficult to believe that there is much to think, speak or write about other than our brokenness.”

But

  … “our brokenness reveals something about who we are. Our sufferings and pains are not simply bothersome interruptions of our lives; rather, they touch us in our uniqueness and our most intimate individuality. The way I am broken tells you something unique about me. The way you are broken tells me something unique about you.”

“Our humanity comes to its fullest bloom in giving. We become beautiful people when we give whatever we can give: a smile, a handshake, a kiss, an embrace, a word of love, a present, a part of our life … all of our life.”